i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
