That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
