so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
