He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
