Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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