Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
