went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
