i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
