I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
