My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
