just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
