fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
