Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
