i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
