So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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