i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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