Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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