physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
