Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
