she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
