I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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