It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
