Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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