never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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