Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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