Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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