you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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