Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
