Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
