Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
