drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
