im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
