yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
