I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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