Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
