I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
