Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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