I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
