I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
