he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
