you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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