i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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