I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
