Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
