I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
