dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i've created a new STD.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
