tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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