I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
