Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
