I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
